The Truths of Four People

The fog had cleared on the relationship of Hannah George and Michael Lowells. Michael, equals parts sympathetic man and mildly pathetic sop, had started to realise that the wildly, often bordering on debauched, Hannah was probably a little too much for his fragile constitution to take. Hannah had also reached a point of clarity. She saw that the safe and loving man she thought would see her through many of the lows of her up and down life was perhaps beginning to lose patience with the constant reparations of her weekend, weekday and holiday moments of excess. But as is often the case of people who've spent a long time in each other's company neither of them really know how to push that final self destruct button. They felt like they were gently crushing each other from the inside, too scared to step away, each day hoping it would be the other one who finally laid the corpse they were carrying to rest.

The regular visits of their friends Rebecca and Hugh didn't help either. Hugh had once dated Hannah and early into their relationship opted out, seeing his future as very similar present that Michael had found himself in. This hadn't been a difficult break up for Hannah as it is hard to become upset about losing something that you didn't notice fully when it existed. But once Hugh found Rebecca, who had a very restrained way of being carefree, Hannah noticed Hugh a great deal more and now that Michael's true self was becoming less of a hazy, vaporous wisp in the distance to an ominous shadow over all she saw ahead of her it was with envy that she would welcome Rebecca to their house and with regret that she would kiss Hugh on the cheek. But as with all her problems and despite her often spontaneous outward appearance she would never act upon these impulses. She was fearful of rejection and as she thought this was the likely outcome decided just allow these frequently wild impulsive thoughts to just simmer away inside her only helping to erode the concept of ever living a long and happy life with Michael.

It wasn't just Hannah who silently suffered these visits. Michael found himself at unease with the frequent visit of this loving couple. His unease sprang from a evening several years back not too long into his relationship with Hannah. Rebecca had been a friend of Hannah for many, many years, the kind of friendship that didn't start with a bang. That isn't to say that they didn't get on but found themselves meeting only as a result of having mutual friend. As they became more aware of each other they moved from being in the unlinked parts of a Ven diagram to being part of the merged middle. Hannah loved Rebecca's ability to let herself go without ever losing sight of where she was supposed to be heading and Rebecca admired Hannah's lack of having anywhere to head to or at least her ability to seem that way. As Hannah became involved with Michael, Rebecca became even closer to her maybe hoping to find the secret to getting what she thought was such a wonderful catch.

At this early stage in Hannah and Michael's relationship there was a lot of love and Michael especially had never had someone act so passionately towards him. The passion was balanced very precariously though. The difference between Hannah throwing herself at him the moment they got in and throwing up the moment they got in was seldom more that a double gin and tonic apart. A fine line indeed. While nobody every really saw the passionate side the other was all to easy for everyone to see. Rebecca more than anyone wondered why this poor man seem to spend so much of his time doting on a person she once describe to as, "the funnist ride ever that unfortunately can only be stopped by hitting a brick wall." So one night when Hannah had not only crossed her own border of limitation again but had gallantly leap across it, Rebecca went home with Michael and his patient. As she watched Hannah drape off Michael's shoulder when he moved her from taxi to bed she readied herself for his return. Maybe she thought he deserved some kind of reward for all his caring ways, maybe she thought he could be persuaded to become her knight making sure she made it home safe. Either way the reason becomes altogether inconsequential after Michael returned.

Rebecca, not wanting to make her advances seem too vague, initiated the proceedings. Michael, being a sap (albeit a polite one) did nothing to spurn the advances of his girlfriend's buddy. He'd have liked to convince himself that this was due to his cavalier nature and general disregard to the rules of monogamy but it was not. It was in fact that his common sense was overridden by a simple fear of offending someone he'd always thought of as being quite nice. This first kiss was very special for Rebecca and Michael. Both suddenly felt a rush of self confidence, Rebecca hadn't been cast aside, Michael for the first time in his life had been seduced by a girl rather than have to chase her like a love starved puppy for weeks on end. This could be the turning point for them.

It could have been had the next forty or so minutes not become so unsatisfying and awkward for both people involved. The problems set in right after that special first kiss. Rebecca had hoped that after that first kiss Michael would lead her, like a knight should, into their illicit tryst. However, Michael was not used to being left in control. Hannah had always thrust her own will on their moments together and without realising it and Michael had become quite subservient to her. This did not transpose well to Rebecca's desire to be swept off her feet. So what followed was less the rampant, steamy lovemaking she had thought it might be and more a pleasant yet mostly unsatisfying fumble that fizzled and petered out instead of boiling and frothing over. It would be wholly unfair to portion this disappointment solely on Michael. The aforementioned reliance he had on Hannah's guiding was a part of his general underachieving as was his distraction from the matter in hand by worrying about the consequences and repercussions that could possibly follow this spontaneous act. He shouldn't have worried but then if he hadn't his performance might have been enough to take this one off moment into an affair which would have made those unworried worries necessary. A reverse catch 22 if such a thing is possible. And he could not be blamed for not living up to the expectations that Rebecca had laid squarely in him. The fantasies that Rebecca had been having about Michael had gone on for weeks, even before she'd really gotten to know him and find out about the many common thoughts they shared. They were the kind of fantasies that could never play out in real life. She realised as they sat on the sofa smoking, awkwardly clinging to the vaguest hint of a conversation it would have been better to just kept fantasies as fantasies because being a generally optimistic person her dreams rarely disappointed her in the way that life so often could.

Once it had been established that Rebecca really didn't want to pursue this any further than that night they decided that it would always remain locked away from the rest of the world. It became one of those memories that flits from a real moment to becoming less tangible, both sometime had to wonder if it had actually happened at all. The disappointment had meant that they had avoided the situation of Rebecca asking Michael to leave Hannah for her which would have only been worse for both of them. Michael would have said something incredibly stupid like, "If only I had met you earlier, you know, before I met Hannah." If he had said this he would have ended up regretting it for the rest of his life. Partly because not long after he had said it he would realise how bad it must make a person feel to be told that they are nice but not as nice as the person they're already with, even if that person is upstairs drunk and unconscious. And by not not being asked his only regret was he'd never get to know how much better life could have been. ‘Could have been' has so much more promise in the mind than ‘has been'. Now as they chatted over wine so much further down the road he looked at Hugh and Rebecca laughing at Hannah's umpteenth joke of the evening and thought, "At least they are suited for each other."

Once the wine was drunk and food eaten Hugh and Rebecca readied to leave. Hannah felt the pang again of what she thought she'd lost. This pang would have been significantly milder if she had known quite how many times Hugh had cheated on her when they were together. Milder still had she remembered fully how little attention he had really paid to her. Even in the fading light of what she saw of her life with Michael and even if she thought it was all an act on his behalf, he still doted on her more in one day than Hugh had ever done. As they shut the door on a couple they both thought they should be more like they silently tided up and went to bed. It being a night that Hannah was yet to cross the line they fell into each other in the way that Hannah wanted, and liked and Michael needed. Satisfied in way that neither of them would ever see they lay in each other's arms, too scared to change but almost certainly better off for it. Thoughts about how much better the lovelife of their guests must be faded into nothing but the comfort of the person they were with in their own bed.

As Rebecca walked through the door to the Flat she shared with Hugh she gave him the knowing touches she knew would instigate a quick move to the bedroom. She'd seen how comfortable Hannah and Michael are with each other all night. It all seemed so natural to them, unforced in any way. The odd glance here and there was enough. Rebecca had spent most of the evening working her way out Hugh's vice like grip around her. The attention was nice but she'd never reckoned on being a possession. As Hugh ushered her onto the bed he took the lead. He was drunk, tired and was meeting Diana from the office tomorrow for tennis, which always ended at her place for sex and he didn't want to wear himself out that. After his rigorous but decidedly short foray into lovemaking he rolled over to drift off to sleep his last fluttering thoughts trying to expel the regret at putting both his and Rebecca's name on the mortgage to the flat. While Hugh started to snore Rebecca lay awake thinking she really should have imposed more at an earlier stage of their relationship on what she actually wanted from sex rather than just being bowled over by a man taking charge. She thought back to her night with Michael and, as time does, the clouds of memory made things seem better than they'd been. She thought about what might have been had she asked to take it that step further. She would sleep, dreaming of having that life that Hannah George and Michael Lowells had.